Heaven
by xXCaRaXx
Summary: Something had changed and it was driving him crazy. While Sirius is drifting away from him, Harry just wants to bring him closer. But how can he when it seems like Sirius suddenly hates him? Slash! Alive!Sirius


**So this might be complete crap but I had some random inspiration and had to write it. So thanks for even reading it.**

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously not J.K.R. So suing is completely unnecessary!! **

**WARNING: This slash so if that's not your thing then don't read it and hit the back button!!!! Flames will be used for entertainment. Also there is slight language but besides that not much else. I'm rating it T but if for some reason you think it should be rated M just tell me. **

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Breathing was beginning to hurt. Inhaling the freezing air, like he had been doing for the past hour, made his lungs feel like they had been stabbed with shards of ice. But he couldn't go back into that house. The house that held his godfather.

It wasn't always like this. Ever since the day Harry discovered his godfather's innocence they had been close. Hardly anything that happened to Harry was kept from Sirius and vise versa. Sirius was his stable support that had been there for him since third year, but now it seems, something has changed.

Harry had officially moved in after his sixth year in Hogwarts for safety from Voldemort. But after he destroyed Voldemort at the end of what was suppose to be his seventh year he still remained due to the remaining psycho loyal Deatheaters that had yet to be captured.

When he first moved in it had been great, just what he had always could have hoped for. He had Sirius, the last connection to his parents and someone who understood what he had been through. Though when he had to leave to hunt for the horcruxes with Ron and Hermione he had to sneak off in order not to drag Sirius into the danger of being with him. When eventually Sirius found them and ended up saving their asses during an intense battle between them and six dumber than hell Deatheaters (but six none the less), he had not been happy with Harry for leaving without him.

Not being happy was putting it lightly. He was pissed. He proved it by not speaking to him for a week and then two weeks of snarky comments before he slowly began to forgive him. But even after all of that it seemed even more that they relied on each other like no other. However, it had been about seven months after the Final Battle and Sirius had been getting gradually colder. He kept his distance and when replying was necessary his comments were short and harsh.

What made it worse was the horrible timing. Harry, ever since he moved in had an unconscious awareness that he didn't have the normal feelings that a godson should have for his godfather. It became progressively more aware during the hunt for the horcruxes. Finally by the end of the final battle he realized he couldn't live without him. He had fallen in love with those metallic eyes that always seemed to hold mischievousness in them. He didn't care about the age difference. He had been required to grow up fast and had a life in which the stress and danger level was hardly ever experienced by most adults. The happiest moments he had since meeting his godfather consisted of him. Harry didn't dare comprehend life without him.

Unfortunately, right when all of the (major) problems and obstacles in Harry's life were literally killed, his reason for living decides he hates him. That's the only way Harry could describe his godfather's recent behavior: increasing hate.

Maybe Sirius got tired of him, maybe he realized Harry's feelings somehow, even though it wouldn't surprise him, he always thought himself an open book, and hated him for it. Sirius wouldn't even look at him these days. Harry desperately missed those metallic eyes.

Thinking this way though was just going to make him more depressed and helpless. He heaved himself up from his frozen position rubbing away the tears threatening to form, and entered his godfather's dark house. Not that they hadn't made any progress with the décor of the manor. In fact it was a pretty comfortable home now. That being the only reason they stayed in the ancient home. But it seemed to have the same aura as Sirius had these days. Dark, unhappy, and cold.

It was only around Harry though. Whenever Hermione, Ron, or an Order member visited to give them news, Sirius acted his relatively normal self, maybe not as energetic but everyone claimed that to be because of all the recent occurrences he had been through. Harry knew better. Sirius had been through worse and was one of the strongest people he knew. All he could surmise then was that it was because of him.

He entered from the back door, walked down the long hall way and turned into the kitchen. When he entered he almost turned right back around and left. Sirius was sitting on the table facing the fire, but hearing Harry enter, briefly glanced up. He was clean shaven these days, making him look younger, and was dressed in a navy long sleeved shirt and dark jeans. Harry could barely see the tattoos on Sirius's neck.

"Do you want me to fix you anything for lunch?" Harry asked, and couldn't help but stand there awkwardly. He wanted to smack himself because of the desperateness that his voice held. Sirius just shook his head though and sighing, got up to leave. Sadly any hope of Harry's was leaving with him.

But something was forming inside him. It was anger and the more he thought it the quicker it developed into a sort of rage. Why couldn't he look him in the eye? Why not end this torment? Why couldn't he be honest and just tell Harry of his disgust of him and finally kill any hope he had once and for all? Finally it was too much and he snapped.

"**Stop doing this!! Look me in the damn eye for once!!**" Harry yelled, stopping Sirius in his tracks, his back facing him. However Harry wasn't one to hold anger and regretted saying anything as soon as he let the words out. He just hung his head while he tried to convince himself to stop the angry tears from developing, waiting to hear the sounds of Sirius leaving. He never did though.

He sensed more than saw his godfather walk up to him, due to his battle with his eyes that he was steadily losing.

"Harry," Sirius said cautiously, "look at me."

All Harry could manage was to reverently shake his head in defiance. But, it seemed, Sirius wasn't going to settle for that. He gently grabbed his chin and tilted his face to look up at him. His face was a covered with confusion and concern and Harry tried to pull away but his grip was too strong. _**He's going to think me completely crazy**_, Harry thought.

"What's wrong Harry?" Sirius asked, his concern deepening, the most emotion Harry had seen from him in so long. It broke him, opening the flood gates that he had kept up for too long, and he began sobbing.

He was conscious of Sirius leading him over to a chair near the fireplace and sitting down but it took a while till he could regain control of his emotions enough to think coherently.

Finally, when he whipped the last tears away and looked down he looked directly in to those metallic eyes he had missed so much and he was trapped. Sirius was kneeling beside the chair, one arm resting on the arm of the chair and the other arm's hand was tightly holding onto Harry's. He could help but blush when he became aware of the comforting grip. He finally tore his gaze away, embarrassed.

"Harry, tell me what's wrong!" Sirius demanded upon seeing him regain control.

"It's me being stupid, nothing really," Harry muttered avoiding Sirius's intense gaze, the gaze he'd become lost in if he wasn't careful.

"Don't try to tell me that! It's obviously something," He replied, not backing down.

Harry sighed. This was going to ruin everything. At least with what they had now Harry got to see him occasionally. If he knew he would avoid Harry at all costs surely. But he knew there was no escaping, and he was a horrible liar.

"Why do you suddenly hate me so much?" Harry finally bit out after several minutes. After a long pause he worriedly glanced down at Sirius. He now looked surprised and even more confused.

"Why would you ever think something as stupid as that?" He asked a bit harshly, standing up to face away from him, and look into the fire again.

"Then what is it?" Harry started jumping to his feet to follow Sirius, "You won't look at me anymore, you avoid me, you never talk to me, and it's driving me mad!!!" He shouted. He knew he was acting crazy but once he started he couldn't stop. "What did I do? Did I insult you? Are you tired of living with me? What did I do?!"

Sirius quickly turned around and looked down at Harry, clearly mad. "FINE! It is you!! It's all because of you!! Are you happy?!" Breathing harshly he looked down at Harry with such intensity that combined with his words that all Harry could do was stand there frozen.

"Oh. No, I'm not. I'm sorry," He breathed out after a while, and feeling severely feint, turned to leave the room before he had the chance to pass out from lack of oxygen. But a hand shot out to grab his hand and whirled him around before he even had a chance, and pulled him closer.

"Harry, are you really that thick?" Sirius asked incredulously, his face mere inches away from Harry's with their bodies even closer.

Harry could only manage to look down, though. Sirius gave a frustrated sigh and quickly wrapped an arm around his waste while he grasped the back of his head and pulled him into the most amazing kiss Harry or Sirius had ever experienced. Sirius's lips were so soft and seemed to mold perfectly with Harry's, who, unfortunately, was so shocked that he didn't have time to recover and respond before Sirius dejectedly pulled away.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I —I just couldn't help it. And damn I've been such a prick these past months, I didn't realize it affected you so much. It's just……" he didn't finish, whatever energy he had was draining out of him as he stepped farther away from Harry.

Hope was hesitantly beginning to form but as he thought everything over he couldn't help assume that there was a catch. There's no way Sirius, the closet thing to perfect he had ever seen, could have any of the same feelings he could. Maybe he kissed him because he was just confused. Killing the Dark Lord evidently had no affect on his inferiority complex. But before he regained the ability to speak Sirius started talking again.

"-It's just –You drove me crazy!!!" He finally burst out, looking up with a new light in his eyes. "Everything about you made me mad! Your emerald eyes, your constant running into danger, your beautiful laugh, your self sacrificing habits!!! I could hardly restrain myself!" His voice had risen to shouting mode till it suddenly dropped down to a whisper, with a dejected look on his face. "But I know I'm not good for you. I'm just a godfather to you, and you could do so much better. So I tried to distance myself from you, to try to convince myself that the feelings were not real. I ultimately failed because it just became more evident that-" He suddenly stopped and looked away from Harry.

After a while the silence was beginning to cause Harry to panic. "More evident that what Sirius? Tell me!" he demanded quickly, and walked up to Sirius and grabbed the front of his shirt in a desperate grip.

Sirius slowly turned his head so that his sad eyes met Harry's searching ones. "I love you Harry. I've loved you for a long time."

Harry was yet again speechless, only managing to get out a breathless, "Oh." But this time he didn't give Sirius a chance to interpret his lack of speech as a sign of unrequited feelings. He kept his loose grip of Sirius's shirt and hesitantly stepped forward. Harry reached his other hand up, grasped the back of Sirius's neck, and pulled him into another amazing, heart stopping kiss. This one lasted much longer. It started out hesitant before it slowly started picking up speed, as they became assured that the other wasn't going to pull away after coming to their senses. As they became more confident the kiss became more possessive, mainly on Sirius's part. He traced Harry's lips begging him to open up to him and deepen the kiss, which Harry did quite willingly. The kiss was beginning to heat up, and only when they had separated for much needed air, did they realize just how tightly they were glued together.

After a moment of heavy breathing, in which Harry had to lean against the table for support, Sirius walked over and placed a hand on either side of Harry, effectively trapping him. "So I'm assuming you don't have too much of a problem with the fact that I'm crazy about you," He murmured into Harry's ear with a chuckle. He stood up straight and pulled Harry with him, cupping his face in his hands. "You don't have a problem do you?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh, which was pure joy to Sirius's ears, and smiled up at him. "Who's the thick one now, Siri? Why did you think you being so distant from me bothered me so much? I was afraid I lost you. I love you too," He finished loosing himself in the metallic gaze that Sirius possessed.

That's all the reassurance that Sirius needed before he claimed Harry's lips again. Sirius was trying to maneuver them up the stairs and eventually gave, picking Harry up and carried him the rest of the way, Harry's lips still sealed to his.

To put it simply, Harry was in Heaven.

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**Eh, I don't know how good it was. So please review and tell me if it completely sucked or not! XD**

**Happy Holidays!**


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